i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
whose ass print is on the piano?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
