so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Alive.
So much puke
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
