p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
