My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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