good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
