So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
