he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
