She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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