I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
