Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I did not marry a roomba.
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