he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
