I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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