just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
