I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
