Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i came on her dog
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
