would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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