sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
