you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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