All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
