She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
