I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
