I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
