Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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