bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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