new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
