please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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