let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
