I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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