btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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