that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
