You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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