i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
