Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
