If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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