It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
