i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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