Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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