you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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