dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
