You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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