I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
