Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
