Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
