tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
