I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
