Your face is a jimmy john
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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