Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
