just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
