my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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