oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
