I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
