What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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