No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
