billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
