Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
