I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
