"it" just moved
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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