you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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