Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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