Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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