My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
